Nataxja Cini

Sometimes you need to bring back some calmness into your day. It’s good to know that you can quickly create a sense of calmness through deep breathing. The key to deep breathing is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible in your lungs. When you take deep breaths from the abdomen, you inhale more oxygen. The more oxygen you get, the less tense, short of breath, and less anxious you feel. Sit comfortably with your back straight with one hand on your stomach. As you breathe in through your nose feel your stomach rise. Exhale through your mouth; pushing out as much air, your stomach will sink.  Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough so that your lower abdomen rises and falls. Count slowly as you exhale. In a short time you will feel more relaxed and calm.

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouths of young children. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. 

See what you think: 

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' 
Rebecca- age 8 

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. 
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' 
Billy - age 4 

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' 
Karl - age 5 

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' 
Chrissie - age 6 

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' 
Terri - age 4 

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' 
Danny - age 7 

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.. They look gross when they kiss' 
Emily - age 8 

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' 
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) 

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' 
Nikka - age 6 
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet) 

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' 
Noelle - age 7 

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' 
Tommy - age 6 


'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' 
Cindy - age 8 

'My mommy loves me more than anybody.You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' 
Clare - age 6 

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' 
Elaine-age 5 

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' 
Chris - age 7 

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day' 
Mary Ann - age 4 

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' 
Lauren - age 4 

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) 
Karen - age 7 

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' 
Mark - age 6 

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' 
Jessica - age 8 

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. 

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 
'Nothing, I just helped him cry' 

When there is nothing left, that is when you find out that love is all you need. 

Tell someone you love them today.

It’s not always easy to admit we’re wrong, when we’re hurt someone we love. As an adult it is important that we show our children how to forgive by demonstrating our asking for forgiveness from other adults and from our children. Here are some simple steps.

1.      Apologize. Genuinely, sincerely and directly. This is not the time to text your message.

2.      Take ownership. Accept full responsibility for your actions and words.

3.      Work to repair the relationship.  Take care to demonstrate that you can be reliable, trustworthy and caring. That your actions were an exception and not how you want to live your life.

4.      Acknowledge that trust may have been broken and feelings may have been hurt. Recognize that it takes time to rebuild trust. The person may not be ready to accept your apology right away and that the hurt may last for some time.  Verbalize your sincere apology and accept that it may take some time before you are forgiven.

5.      Forgive yourself. Realize you are human and you do make mistakes. Do not continue to beat yourself up after you recognize your mistakes.

1.      Draw new lines around yourself. Sometimes we get caught up in doing things for people when it is not our role or responsibility. Don’t let your boundaries be violated when it comes to tasks and responsibilities that are not yours

2.      Prioritize. Sometimes we get immersed in doing a thousand things that may not be necessary or even important while we get this illusion that we are doing a lot of things – even though they might be eating away at your precious time and energy

3.      Look into yourself. The subtle reality about prioritizing is that it takes some soul searching and reflecting on what is important to you and your life. It is particularly important to know what you want. Knowing where you would like to end up requires that you spend some serious time exploring what makes you tickabout where you would like to go in life.

4.      Cut out time and energy drainers. Knowing what to overlook is a good half of the task of reducing stress. Sometimes we end up doing a great deal of things that may have been energy drainers rather than the important tasks that would have lead to accomplishing your major tasks and duties.

5.      Create buffers. Even if you are the best planner, you need buffer time to do nothing. That’s right – doing nothing is harder than you imagine, because societal values tell us we must be busy all the time and doing nothing brings shame and guilt. Rejoice and do nothing.

6.      It’s not just what you do, but how you do them. Keep a keen interest in not only reducing your tasks or stressors but your attitude. Be curious about how others accomplish the same task. What secrets do they know?

Some aggressive people think they are being assertive because they are stating their needs. It is true that both assertive and aggressive communication involves stating your needs.There are very important differences between stating your needs assertively and stating them aggressively. The differences are in the words used, the tone taken, and the body language used to express your message.

1)     Be aware of expecting perfection

2)     Be realistic to what you can accomplish given your time limitations

3)     Remember all mothers have bad days – this does not mean you’re a bad mom

4)     Give yourself permission to say no

5)     Recognize the signs of mother burnout – tired crabby

6)     Allow yourself time to care and love yourself

7)     Be a positive role model to your children by allowing yourself downtime

Motherhood is a particularly special journey.  It is also intensely difficult to be on call 24/7 with minimal time to rest.  The rewards are there, of course, but there are times when we do not feel fully appreciated for all of our efforts.  Media does not typically portray the patience, tenacity and energy it takes to be a parent.  Why is that? Youthful smiling women and laughing babies typically represent motherhood in the media.  Yes, this does happen but what about the difficulties and those 'bad' days.  I do not see them on TV.

With just one portion of the picture shown we are left wondering what is motherhood?  Is it supposed to be easy? Am I doing it wrong? We are surrounded by a variety of 'beliefs' about how the world 'should be'.  For example I struggle with what makes a 'good' mother and what makes a 'bad' mother?  There are numerous criteria out there for how a 'good mother' should behave. I could decide to follow all of these criteria and try to become 'the perfect mother'.  The likely outcome of trying to be all of the 'good mother' criteria is that I would become so worn out from motherhood that I would be in the hospital. Is this called being there for your children?

Each of us has to decide our own criteria for what it takes to be a 'good enough' mother. What are the standards you set for yourself around being a mother?  Do you become upset by others unreasonable expectations of you to be the “perfect mother”?  Do you take time to nourish your own needs?  When are you at your best as a mother?

It is important to remember that we, as people, are much more than mothers.  We all have our own personalities, talents, skills and abilities in the world. Let us move forward in our lives toward a life filled with possibilities around who we are as mothers, women and persons.