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Nataxja Cini

Waiting Too Long in Ottawa?

4/11/2012

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Most couples wait an average of 6- 7 years before seeking counseling when their relationship has staled. Unfortunately by that time, one partner may have already emotionally checked out of the relationship.  This makes repairing the relationship more challenging but not yet impossible.

Why do couples wait so long? There are many reasons. Sometimes one person doesn't speak up for fear of hurting the other person. This happens often with men. Most men are taught to suppress their emotions and tough it out. Some of us are taught, “not to air our dirty laundry in public”.  Sometimes cultural beliefs prevent people from reaching out for help “ Therapy is just for rich white people” or “ only really crazy people seek therapy”. Other times, there is fear and shame in having to admit you’ve maybe screwed up. Sometimes people take the attitude “it’s just a phase they’ll get over it or if I ignore the problem long enough it will go away”. And yes you’re right sometimes the problem will go away with the children and the furniture as well. 

If you are thinking that your marriage is in peril, talk to your partner.  Speak up; suggest committing to couples’ counselling for at least 6 months. Expect that your partner won’t talk the news that your relationship is in jeopardy calmly. Give them time to digest what you just told them. Let them know they don’t have to answer right away and that you do want to talk about this again. Give your partner the respect they deserve to think about what you said and the ability to respond. 
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Create a Worry Bag with your Child

4/4/2012

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Parents help you child calm their fears by creating a worry bag together. Listen to Parenting coach Pam Dyson explain what she puts into a worry bag and how these items can help kids up to 10 years old learn to cope with their anxiety. Her best tip.... Parents if you're anxious you need to get a grip on your anxiety!

Pam Dyson's favorite items are;

1) BUBBLES
Blowing bubbles help children draw deep breathes in order to blow big bubbles. This is good for parents too. Who can be anxious with beautiful bubbles floating around? We know slow deep breathing calms us down. Slow, deep breathing utilizing the diaphragm and abdomen causes heart rate, respiratory rate, and blood pressure to drop. Here's an easy bubble recipe.

2) NOTE PAD
Children of all ages can draw or write out what causes them to be fearful or anxious. Putting your fears and worries on paper gets them out of your head and then they may not seem so bad or this gives parents a place to understand what their child is afraid of. 

3) WORRY DOLLS
Guatemalan children believe that if you tell one worry to each doll and put the dolls under your pillow, when you get up in the morning your worries are gone. You can create a worry doll from an old fashion cloths pin or buy them a set in Ottawa from stores like Ten Thousand Villages. 


4) Pin Wheel
Here's a dry alternative to bubbles. Blowing on a pin wheel help children draw deep breathes. Deep breathing stimulates our  parasympathetic system which is responsible for relaxing.

5) Lavender Lotion
Lavender is a natural way to stimulation calmness. Of course massaging your child's body helps to calm your child. Remember being present and close to your child can help your child to calm themselves.

6) Squeeze toy
Squeezing a soft object helps your child to release tension. They may also find the repetitive motion soothing. 

7) Practice, practice, practice. 
Remember your child needs your help and assistance to learn how to self sooth and calm themselves down. Take out the worry bag with them when they are not worried so they learn the skills they need when they are anxious. Over time with practice, your child will internalize these behaviours and may not need to pull out the worry bag in order to conquer there fears.

Pam starts talking at about 1:44 into the segment.  If there is anxiety in your home, call us today and talk to us about helping to calm down those fears. 
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You don't have to be the best you just have to try

3/24/2011

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Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry van Dyke, 1852-1933. 

Many times we hesitate or refuse to accept a challenge or a task if we feel we will not excel.  All it takes to finish a journey is to start. Start today by saying I can try to accomplish this task, I will take the first step, I say the first word and see where you go. You don not need to be perfect. Every story started with one word.
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    Author

    Nataxja Cini is the founder  of Family-Therapy.ca. She can be reached at
    ​613 287 3799. 

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