Nataxja Cini

“Love, love, love, all you need is love. Everybody now!” we are all familiar with these famous words but how do we get love? Is love something that happens to special people and the rest of us mortals are left to suffer a gray existence where love perchance comes by? We know we need love, we know children in orphanages fail to thrive if they do not receive love, we know marriages and relationships fall apart if one party feels unloved or has fallen out of love. But how do we obtain the love we desire?

Through the research done by Sue Johnson and her team in Ottawa we know there is a map to creating long lasting love. We have research that shows long lasting passionate love is possible in long term relationships. We know how love dies and how to make love grow.  A secure loving bond is a safe haven which makes us strong and able to withstand outside stresses.

Through Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples,” couples who have “fallen out of love” or who are distant from each other can find their way back to each other.  One of the steps we take in therapy is bringing into awareness the repetitive destructive patterns that block couples from connecting with their loved ones.  These are called “demon dialogues”, “negative cycles”, “whirlpools” or even “the crazy merry- go-round”. Once couples start to see their cycle and understand the role each of them plays in this destructive cycle they are able to but on the brakes and break the cycle. As Sue Johnson states “Love is no longer a dream for the lucky ones. We all can learn to hold each other tight. Watch Linda Bonadies’s video which is based on Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight at http://youtu.be/QB-wdtO-GeU.  Have a look at Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight  at www.holdmetight.net/ it might just change your love life. 

Most of us look forward to summertime and vacations with our children and loved ones. Unfortunately all of that time off from work may be the prequel to spending time with a divorce lawyer. Most people would be surprised to hear that summer vacation can lead to summer divorce. Traditionally, the biggest number of break-ups as couples fight over Christmas occurs in January. Couples therapists and divorce lawyers warn that separations and divorces tend to raise over the summer moths and peak in September.

While we all crave the summer months, warm weather and time off after our long winters, summer vacation can be disastrous to couples. If your relationship has been strained throughout the winter, spending more time with your spouse can unfortunately inflame an already difficult situation. Sometimes people use work as a distraction from the trouble that is brewing in their relationships. Now instead of seeing your spouse for a few hours each night summer vacation can mean weeks of  one on one time with someone you fight with or you no longer know how to talk to.

If things have just not been working out in your love life, time off allows you the time for self reflection, the realization that your relationship is failing.  Couples with young children and young adults are more at risk to divorce. Yong children shift the focus in a relationship from each other to the children. While having young adults move out of the home leave parents realizing the no longer have anything in common with their spouse.

Couples counseling with a trained therapist can help alleviate the stress from your relationships. The goal of couples counselling is to help both partners to succeed, where in the past, or without therapy and counselling, the relationship may seem doomed. Counselling is non-judgmental and respectful of both parties. The therapist creates a safe environment to explore the challenges and difficulties both couples are experiencing in a non blaming environment.  The couple brings to therapy only a commitment to give counselling a chance.  If you are experiencing marital difficulties talk to a trained counsellor today. Counselling can help bring peace and love back into your relationship.

Do you know any children who have witness parental abuse?  Help break the cycle of violence. Children, who live in the Ottawa area, between the ages of 9 to 12  and whose mom report abuse can attend an 11 week program to help them heal. Abuse may include emotional, physical, verbal, or sexual abuse.
Family Services Ottawa provide children a free program hosted by two facilitators for a group of 8 children. Moms can attend their own group hosted at the same time. Family Services Ottawa will provide financial support for babysitting and transportation costs if required. 
The 11 weekly sessions in Ottawa run Tuesday from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm.  the aim of the children's group is to help children explore their 
thoughts and feelings.  Children may create art,explore books, role play and play games as a means of exploring their feelings and expressing their concerns and learn new ways of acting.
Sessions will be held at Carlington Community Health Centre, 900 Merivale Road, Ottawa. for more information please contact: FAMILY SERVICES OTTAWA and ask for Child Witness Group and/or Adriana Oatu 613-725-3601 EXT. 130 or email: aoatu@familyservicesottawa.org