• Home
  • Blog

Nataxja Cini

Are you Sabotaging Your Relationships?

5/2/2012

0 Comments

 
Are you pushing people away from you? Do you sometimes wonder why no one wants to spend time with you? Why the lunch room clears out when you show up?

Relationships need to be nourished. Just like a garden needs water to grow. Our relationships need to be nourished  with positive thoughts, words, and actions.While many people think of relationships as romantic relationships , relationships encompass parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, peer relationships or couples. 

The number two reason relationships fail is because there are too many anti love messages being sent and received. Too often we become critical or resentful of others. This happens when are needs are not being met and when we are unable to express what we need from others.
This happens especially when the other person has stepped on our toes and hurt of feelings.  At times it can be difficult to be open and honest when we fear retaliation, hostility or criticism.  When we feel there is a lack of understanding, we retreat into our hurt and become silent. Then when the pain is too much to bear we may lash out at each other in pain and anger.

John Gottman's research shows “lasting relationships need to have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions in order to last. His team predicted with amazing accuracy which couples would last and who would separate after listening to them interact for 15 minutes. It is difficult to risk opening up and feeling vulnerable to someone who you feel they will respond with criticism or they will discount your feelings. When we fear not being heard we retreat from the relationships. We may even avoid expressing our true needs and turn to others who are more understanding of your needs.  Too many negative comments drive you away from each other and contribute to creating a negative cycle between you.
0 Comments

    Author

    Nataxja Cini is the founder  of Family-Therapy.ca. She can be reached at
    ​613 287 3799. 

    Archives

    March 2018
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    June 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Acknowledgment
    Adjustment
    Adult
    Aggressive
    Aging Process
    A New Beginning
    Anger
    Anxious
    Apologies
    Apologize
    Assertive
    Attachment
    Balance
    Betrayal
    Body Language
    Book Review
    Boundaries
    Breathing
    Buffers
    Burn Out
    Busy
    Calming
    Calmness
    Canadians
    Caring
    Child
    Child Relationship
    Children
    Christmas Season
    Communication
    Compassion
    Connecting
    Connecting With Others
    Conversation
    Conversations
    Coping With Separation And Divorce
    Cortisol
    Counselling
    Counsellor
    Couple Counselling
    Couples
    Couples Therapists
    Courage
    Criticism
    Dad
    Daughters
    Death
    Deep Breathing
    Dementia
    Demon Dialogues
    Depression
    Disappearing
    Discount Your Feelings
    Distress
    Divorce
    Dreams
    Emotional Cues
    Emotionally Focused Therapy
    Emotions
    Estrangement
    Expectations
    Expression Of Love
    Fallen Out Of Love
    Families
    Family
    Family Services Ottawa
    Fathers
    Fear
    Feelings
    Fighting
    Finish
    Forgive
    Forgiveness
    Happy New Years
    Healing
    Health & Wellness Business Of The Year
    Healthy Relationships
    Hold Me Tight
    Holiday
    Holiday Stress
    Hostility
    Hurt
    Independence
    Inner Focus
    Isolation
    John Gottman
    Journey
    Kanata
    Kanata Health And Wellness Expo
    Kanata Health And Wellness Fair
    Kissing
    Lack Of Sleep
    Linda Bonadies
    Listening
    Loss
    Love
    Lover
    Marital Distress
    Marriage
    Mediation
    Memories
    Mindfulness
    Moms
    Mother
    Motherhood
    Mothering Tips
    Mothers
    Mother’s Day
    Needs
    Negative Cycle
    Negative Emotions
    Opinion
    Ottawa
    Overworked
    Oxytocin
    Pain
    Parent
    Parental Abuse
    Parental Influence
    Parent-child Relationships
    Parenting Coach Pam Dyson
    Parents
    Peer Relationships
    Perfection
    Personal Growth
    Previous Love Relationships
    Pushing People Away
    Quality Time
    Quotes By Children
    Reassurance
    Reduce Stress
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Relaxation
    Repair
    Respect
    Revenge
    Role Model
    Romantic Relationship
    Rough Spots
    Sabotage
    Sadness
    Secure Loving Bonds
    Self Care
    Self-Care
    Self-care
    Self Esteem
    Senior
    Seniors
    Separate
    Separation
    Shame
    Sibling Relationships
    Silent Treatment
    Sleep
    Sleep Disruption
    Sleepless
    Spousal Abuse
    Stephen Covey
    Strength
    Stress
    Stress Reduction
    Taking Time For Yourself
    Talents
    Talking
    Talk To Your Children
    Teen
    Teens
    Tense
    Texting
    Therapist
    Trust
    Validation
    What Is Love
    Withdraw
    Witness
    Worry
    Worry Bag
    Yelling

    RSS Feed

    View my profile on LinkedIn
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.