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Nataxja Cini

Your Treasured Relationships

5/1/2012

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Most relationships function on the same premises whether we are talking about parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, peer relationships or couples.  There is some form of positive reciprocal relationship. Both parties transmit and receive positive messages, meaning, interactions from each other over time.

Loving partners, parents, or people need to demonstrate their love for each other and accept and receive love sent their way. When couples come in for counseling I hear some people talk about not knowing that they are loved or card for or that they don’t feel the need to express their love or appreciation for the other person in the relationship.  "Oh she knows I love her" or "I don't know if she loves me because I don't hear her say that to me". 

Sometimes parents are afraid to tell their teens or young adult children that they love them because they did not receive that message themselves from their parents.  “We don't talk about emotions at home.” "They know I love them! After all I pay for their school or activities.”  “ You should know that I love you if you don’t then something is wrong with you." 

Yes you do. You do need to express your love and feelings to those you wish to be close to. We all want to know that we are valued and loved.

The number one reason relationships fail is because there is a lack of "love expression". People in healthy relationships express their love and appreciation for one another.  Love can be sent and received in many ways.

Whether you are a parent, a teen , a child, a senior, a lover or an adult, tell someone you care and love them. Love can be sent and received in many ways, from touch, to looks, words, gestures, deeds, tone of voice or service. Find your special way to express your love to the person you love. Ensure you love message is being heard and received. Ask your child, your teen, your parents, your partner 'Do they know that you love them?" See how they receive your message and change it if necessary so they do receive your loving message.
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Improve your Relationships: Tip #5

12/20/2011

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Our children are our love and joy. Many of us shower our children daily with our love by doing for our children. As parents we spend a large portion of time caring and doing for our children. Driving them to school, after school activities, sporting events, music lessons, having sleepovers and play dates for them. After a full day at the office whether you work full-time or part-time, caring for our children is another full time position.  We show our children how much we love them by doing and caring for them.

The question I have for you is how many of us invest in ourselves as much as we invest in our children? Do you think yourself as being as important as your child? How many times do we see children so well kept and dressed yet Mom and Dad are a bit shabby? Do you think of yourself as important? Send your children the message you value yourself. You are important! As your child’s parent you play an important role in molding your child’s expectations and norms. Let your child develop the sense that you love and care for yourself.

By caring and respecting yourself your child will learn to value you and your time. Your child will develop a greater sense of respect for you  and a greater respect for the love you share.
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Love, love, love, all you need is love

12/9/2011

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“Love, love, love, all you need is love. Everybody now!” we are all familiar with these famous words but how do we get love? Is love something that happens to special people and the rest of us mortals are left to suffer a gray existence where love perchance comes by? We know we need love, we know children in orphanages fail to thrive if they do not receive love, we know marriages and relationships fall apart if one party feels unloved or has fallen out of love. But how do we obtain the love we desire?

Through the research done by Sue Johnson and her team in Ottawa we know there is a map to creating long lasting love. We have research that shows long lasting passionate love is possible in long term relationships. We know how love dies and how to make love grow.  A secure loving bond is a safe haven which makes us strong and able to withstand outside stresses.

Through Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples,” couples who have “fallen out of love” or who are distant from each other can find their way back to each other.  One of the steps we take in therapy is bringing into awareness the repetitive destructive patterns that block couples from connecting with their loved ones.  These are called “demon dialogues”, “negative cycles”, “whirlpools” or even “the crazy merry- go-round”. Once couples start to see their cycle and understand the role each of them plays in this destructive cycle they are able to but on the brakes and break the cycle. As Sue Johnson states “Love is no longer a dream for the lucky ones. We all can learn to hold each other tight. Watch Linda Bonadies’s video which is based on Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight at http://youtu.be/QB-wdtO-GeU.  Have a look at Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight  at www.holdmetight.net/ it might just change your love life. 
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    Author

    Nataxja Cini is the founder  of Family-Therapy.ca. She can be reached at
    ​613 287 3799. 

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