Some aggressive people think they are being assertive because they are stating their needs. It is true that both assertive and aggressive communication involves stating your needs.There are very important differences between stating your needs assertively and stating them aggressively. The differences are in the words used, the tone taken, and the body language used to express your message.
0 Comments
Parenting your children in today's world can be difficult. In the midst of our busy lives we are confronted with guiding our children through a variety of minefields. This workshop will focus on developing and improving upon our relationships with our children. Having a supportive, trusting relationship with our kids will benefit them as they continue their journey towards adulthood.
When: January 26, 2012 6:30 – 8PM Where: Suite 205, 300 March Road Please register online or call to reserve a seat as seating is limited In this day of instant messaging and texting we sometimes forget that " hearing your voice” can be more important than just our words.
In a new study led by Leslie Seltzer of the University of Wisconsin, girls who had heard mothers' words were consoled compared to girls who didn’t talk to their mothers at all and girls who only communicated through texting. Researchers looked at the girls’ cortisol and oxytocin levels before and after completing a math test. Cortisol levels are related to our stress levels. Oxytocin is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships. Girls who heard their mother's voice, either in person or on the phone, were consoled. Their oxytocin levels rose, (which means they felt connected to their mothers) and their cortisol levels dropped (which means they felt less stressed after the conversations.) What does this all mean to kids, parents, and couples? Texting is fine for everyday conversations such as “ supper at 6 pm or Do you anything from the grocery store?” But maybe a personal phone call is in order for “ How was your test today?” or other potential emotional conversations. What did we learn? Researchers believe we miss emotional cues when texting. And not all conversations are best handled over texting. Person to person verbal conversation is the best to transmit and receive verbal emotional cues from each other and to emotionally connect with our loved ones. Enjoy the clip. Let me know what you think? Marital distress and breakdown is tough enough to witness and experience. While adults make the choices on how they dissolve their relationship, children have little say on how marital breakdown affects their lives. It’s important to remember to help create safety and stability during this difficult period. Helping your child cope with your divorce means providing safety and stability while providing reassuring emotional support. While this is a difficult time for everyone, children are more vulnerable to feeling abandoned or responsible for marital breakdowns.
Here a few tips on helping your child. 1) If appropriate both you and your partner need to jointly tell your children that the marriage is over. Keep this simple without blaming. Younger children do not require a lot of detail. Be prepared that older children will ask more complicated questions. Before telling your children try to think of some of the difficult questions they may ask and how you are going to respond to these questions. Keep your answers age appropriate. Children do not need to know all of the details as to why you are getting divorced. Remember just as you are scared of what the future may bring, your children have their own fears and need to be reassured you will be there for them even if they do not live full time. Be prepared to revisit this topic at other times and ask them if they have any questions. Some children may be afraid to ask questions or truly not understand what is happening. 2) Reassure your children. Your children need to know you will be there to support them emotionally and physically. Try to maintain their usually routines as much as possible. By maintaining their usually routines, your children will be reassured that they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. Be prepared that children may react differently. Some children regress to more babyish behaviours, others may try and take on more grown up behaviours, while some children get into more trouble and mischief in order to get express their own angers and fears. Be prepared to spend more one on one time with your children telling them you love them and you will all get through this together. 3) Please stop fighting in person or on the phone in front of your children. While you may no longer love or get along with your partner they will always be your children’s parent. Please reframe from being critical of your ex-spouse. This can be particularly difficult if you feel betrayed or deeply wounded by your ex-spouse. You may also need to tell your family members not to bad mouth your spouse in order to protect your children. Even if your partner has been hurtful or spiteful, speaking poorly about them does hurt your children. Research shows that the biggest single factor in long-term adjustment to divorce is the children’s level of exposure to parental conflict. 4) Allow your child as much open contact and communication with their other parent. Divorce is difficult for everyone, especially for children who don’t understand why Mom or Dad can live with them full time anymore. Allow your child to freely contact the other parent or to talk to you about missing their parent. It’s important that your children do not feel they have to choose who they love. 5) Help your child adjust to this new reality by allowing your child to express his or her feelings. Your child may express feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, or loss. It’s important that your child knows she or he can talk to you about how divorce has disrupted his or her world. You can help your child process his or her loss by in initiating conversations about their emotions and feelings. Acknowledge their feelings validates your children and lets them know your hear and respect their feelings. |
AuthorNataxja Cini is the founder of Family-Therapy.ca. She can be reached at Archives
March 2018
Categories
All
|