Nataxja Cini

Most of us look forward to summertime and vacations with our children and loved ones. Unfortunately all of that time off from work may be the prequel to spending time with a divorce lawyer. Most people would be surprised to hear that summer vacation can lead to summer divorce. Traditionally, the biggest number of break-ups as couples fight over Christmas occurs in January. Couples therapists and divorce lawyers warn that separations and divorces tend to raise over the summer moths and peak in September.

While we all crave the summer months, warm weather and time off after our long winters, summer vacation can be disastrous to couples. If your relationship has been strained throughout the winter, spending more time with your spouse can unfortunately inflame an already difficult situation. Sometimes people use work as a distraction from the trouble that is brewing in their relationships. Now instead of seeing your spouse for a few hours each night summer vacation can mean weeks of  one on one time with someone you fight with or you no longer know how to talk to.

If things have just not been working out in your love life, time off allows you the time for self reflection, the realization that your relationship is failing.  Couples with young children and young adults are more at risk to divorce. Yong children shift the focus in a relationship from each other to the children. While having young adults move out of the home leave parents realizing the no longer have anything in common with their spouse.

Couples counseling with a trained therapist can help alleviate the stress from your relationships. The goal of couples counselling is to help both partners to succeed, where in the past, or without therapy and counselling, the relationship may seem doomed. Counselling is non-judgmental and respectful of both parties. The therapist creates a safe environment to explore the challenges and difficulties both couples are experiencing in a non blaming environment.  The couple brings to therapy only a commitment to give counselling a chance.  If you are experiencing marital difficulties talk to a trained counsellor today. Counselling can help bring peace and love back into your relationship.

As we go through life we discover that people will hurt us by their behaviours or actions. we are usually hurt the most by those who are the closest to us , who know us the most intimately. We have all been emotionally or physically hurt by someone.  We can all recall the sting of a harsh word, or the pain of a broken heart or the disappointment that someone has let you down. Sometimes the result of people's behaviours and words lead us to feelings of bitterness and even thoughts of revenge or retaliation. We may know the sadness of being hurt or the anger and rage when we feel we have been violated.

Unfortunately holding onto the negative emotions of bitterness, resentment, retaliation, or revenge harms us emotionally and physically. Living with resentment can lead to poor health outcomes such as depression, high blood pressure or even chronic pain.  

Sadly, we sometimes believe that forgiving others is a sign of weakness.  Or that forgiveness means we condone the act that was done  towards us. Forgiveness does not deny the other person's responsibility for their actions or words.

The process of letting go of this hurt and pain is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It allows you to be free from the pain of resentment and hurt. When you forgive, there is  a lessening of your pain, anger or hurt. You have released the negative emotion.  You remember the event or words which caused you the pain but you carry the hurt in a different way with a a different understanding. You still remember the event but you have released the pain.

Forgiveness is a process which you may need to go through numerous times. You may be able to release some of the pain but still experience a sense of loss. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the event or pretending it did not happen. Forgiveness is allowing yourself to have compassion for yourself to free yourself from your anger and resentment.

Dr. Daniel Klassenan, an expert in forgiveness, states that "Forgiving is for the purpose of repairing relationships which have been put at risk through offences and injustices." Our relationship with the person who has hurt us is usually too good too close to discard. Through forgiveness we repair our relationships.

Sometimes we are so angry we cannot see a way to forgive or how to let go of our rage. If you are unable to let go of your rage and bitterness you may bring these negative emotions into your other relationships.  The first step towards forgiveness is giving yourself permission to feel your hurt, anger and pain. You have the right to your feelings. The next step is for you to decide what you want to do and where do you want to go. Forgiveness is a personal choice. Sometimes you may not be ready to forgive or you may feel stuck and unable to move on. Talking to a therapist, counsellor or psychologist can help you uncover your anger and start the journey towards forgiveness and your personal freedom.

Enjoy the video on Forgiveness by Humanity Healing Projects