Most couples wait an average of 6- 7 years before seeking counseling when their relationship has staled. Unfortunately by that time, one partner may have already emotionally checked out of the relationship. This makes repairing the relationship more challenging but not yet impossible.
Why do couples wait so long? There are many reasons. Sometimes one person doesn't speak up for fear of hurting the other person. This happens often with men. Most men are taught to suppress their emotions and tough it out. Some of us are taught, “not to air our dirty laundry in public”. Sometimes cultural beliefs prevent people from reaching out for help “ Therapy is just for rich white people” or “ only really crazy people seek therapy”. Other times, there is fear and shame in having to admit you’ve maybe screwed up. Sometimes people take the attitude “it’s just a phase they’ll get over it or if I ignore the problem long enough it will go away”. And yes you’re right sometimes the problem will go away with the children and the furniture as well.
If you are thinking that your marriage is in peril, talk to your partner. Speak up; suggest committing to couples’ counselling for at least 6 months. Expect that your partner won’t talk the news that your relationship is in jeopardy calmly. Give them time to digest what you just told them. Let them know they don’t have to answer right away and that you do want to talk about this again. Give your partner the respect they deserve to think about what you said and the ability to respond.
Why do couples wait so long? There are many reasons. Sometimes one person doesn't speak up for fear of hurting the other person. This happens often with men. Most men are taught to suppress their emotions and tough it out. Some of us are taught, “not to air our dirty laundry in public”. Sometimes cultural beliefs prevent people from reaching out for help “ Therapy is just for rich white people” or “ only really crazy people seek therapy”. Other times, there is fear and shame in having to admit you’ve maybe screwed up. Sometimes people take the attitude “it’s just a phase they’ll get over it or if I ignore the problem long enough it will go away”. And yes you’re right sometimes the problem will go away with the children and the furniture as well.
If you are thinking that your marriage is in peril, talk to your partner. Speak up; suggest committing to couples’ counselling for at least 6 months. Expect that your partner won’t talk the news that your relationship is in jeopardy calmly. Give them time to digest what you just told them. Let them know they don’t have to answer right away and that you do want to talk about this again. Give your partner the respect they deserve to think about what you said and the ability to respond.
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