Nataxja Cini

People expect us to be busy, overworked. It’s become a status symbol in our society – if we’re busy, we are important; if we’re not busy, we’re almost embarrassed to admit it. Busyness is where we get our security. It’s validating, popular, and pleasing. It’s also a good excuse for not dealing with the first things in our lives.” (Covey et. al, 1994)."

I found this to be an interesting quote. Sometimes we need to really examine why we need to be so busy. Sometimes we keep ourselves busy to avoid the emptiness in our lives. Other times, we've been "trained" from an early age that slowing down and taking time for ourselves is called "laziness". What is it about being still that makes people uncomfortable? 

A quick internet searched revealed topics such as "How to handle a break up by keeping busy" or "How to keep busy between jobs".  It seems that keeping yourself busy can be a way to avoid your emotions. But why do we need to keep busy to avoid our emotions?  Negative emotions while unpleasant are a normal part of life. And yes while break ups are unpleasant it is an opportunity for self reflection and personal growth. The second article seemed to suggest that we only value those who are productive. And people must remain productive at all costs. But sometimes the reality is there are no jobs between the jobs you really want.

Stephen Covey really hits the nail on the head when he states being busy has "become a status symbol in our society." We need to step back and assess what is really important to us.  Are you really important because you stay busy? How do people value you.... for who you are? Or for what you do for them? There is a significant difference between being valued because you DO things for others versus being valued for YOU as a PERSON.

Take the time to sit back and examine your life. Are you busy all the time? What exactly are you doing which keeps you busy? Are you busy because there are many activities or events you choose to do for your own pleasure? Or are you busy because this is expected or demanded from you? Maybe it's time to sit back and watch the merry go round go by?

As we go through life we discover that people will hurt us by their behaviours or actions. we are usually hurt the most by those who are the closest to us , who know us the most intimately. We have all been emotionally or physically hurt by someone.  We can all recall the sting of a harsh word, or the pain of a broken heart or the disappointment that someone has let you down. Sometimes the result of people's behaviours and words lead us to feelings of bitterness and even thoughts of revenge or retaliation. We may know the sadness of being hurt or the anger and rage when we feel we have been violated.

Unfortunately holding onto the negative emotions of bitterness, resentment, retaliation, or revenge harms us emotionally and physically. Living with resentment can lead to poor health outcomes such as depression, high blood pressure or even chronic pain.  

Sadly, we sometimes believe that forgiving others is a sign of weakness.  Or that forgiveness means we condone the act that was done  towards us. Forgiveness does not deny the other person's responsibility for their actions or words.

The process of letting go of this hurt and pain is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It allows you to be free from the pain of resentment and hurt. When you forgive, there is  a lessening of your pain, anger or hurt. You have released the negative emotion.  You remember the event or words which caused you the pain but you carry the hurt in a different way with a a different understanding. You still remember the event but you have released the pain.

Forgiveness is a process which you may need to go through numerous times. You may be able to release some of the pain but still experience a sense of loss. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the event or pretending it did not happen. Forgiveness is allowing yourself to have compassion for yourself to free yourself from your anger and resentment.

Dr. Daniel Klassenan, an expert in forgiveness, states that "Forgiving is for the purpose of repairing relationships which have been put at risk through offences and injustices." Our relationship with the person who has hurt us is usually too good too close to discard. Through forgiveness we repair our relationships.

Sometimes we are so angry we cannot see a way to forgive or how to let go of our rage. If you are unable to let go of your rage and bitterness you may bring these negative emotions into your other relationships.  The first step towards forgiveness is giving yourself permission to feel your hurt, anger and pain. You have the right to your feelings. The next step is for you to decide what you want to do and where do you want to go. Forgiveness is a personal choice. Sometimes you may not be ready to forgive or you may feel stuck and unable to move on. Talking to a therapist, counsellor or psychologist can help you uncover your anger and start the journey towards forgiveness and your personal freedom.

Enjoy the video on Forgiveness by Humanity Healing Projects