What is more strengthening and healing than being understood and emotionally attached to my love? To pull away from each other can send the wrong message-- that your partner is unacceptable as he or she is or even I'm unacceptable the way I am. When we withdraw for each other we only cause our partners and ourselves more pain. The distance from each other makes it more difficult to get the reassurance and comfort we need at this time.
It is understandable that we withdraw though. What did we learn in previous love relationships and from our childhood? What messages did you receive as a child about needing to be comforted? Were you told to “grow up” or that “only sissies cry”?
It takes courage and brave heart to be able to turn to our partners or those who have hurt us and express our pain and hurt. After all at this moment of vulnerability we don’t know if they will respond with words of kindness, compassion or understanding.
Compassion and attachment do not lead to going off “to get fixed”. Emotionally Focused Therapy is a way to guide couples and families to connect with their humanity. We all have deep longings, and needs. When we learn the dialogue and how to hear our partners talk about their pain we can listen to their pain without becoming defensive. We can learn to listen and learn something new about our partners and see them differently. Not as someone trying to hurt us but as someone who has their own pain and is trying to protect themselves from hurt by withdrawing.
Emotionally Focused Therapy can teach you how to “reach” for each other when you are in pain. You can heal your pain and connect deeper with others.
It is understandable that we withdraw though. What did we learn in previous love relationships and from our childhood? What messages did you receive as a child about needing to be comforted? Were you told to “grow up” or that “only sissies cry”?
It takes courage and brave heart to be able to turn to our partners or those who have hurt us and express our pain and hurt. After all at this moment of vulnerability we don’t know if they will respond with words of kindness, compassion or understanding.
Compassion and attachment do not lead to going off “to get fixed”. Emotionally Focused Therapy is a way to guide couples and families to connect with their humanity. We all have deep longings, and needs. When we learn the dialogue and how to hear our partners talk about their pain we can listen to their pain without becoming defensive. We can learn to listen and learn something new about our partners and see them differently. Not as someone trying to hurt us but as someone who has their own pain and is trying to protect themselves from hurt by withdrawing.
Emotionally Focused Therapy can teach you how to “reach” for each other when you are in pain. You can heal your pain and connect deeper with others.
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