had a lovely chat the other day with someone about listening. He had been on a course where they talked about listening. We all “know” about listening or so I thought. There is listening and then not listening. But now I’ve discovered there are a lot of ways to listen and not to listen! Watch the people around you and see what type of listening is occurring.
1. Ignoring listening
You can talk all you want but nothing gets in. I am not interested in your problems, your requests, or your pleas. Don’t talk to me I’m a cold brick wall.
2. Partial listening
I’m listening as I do another task. I’m distracted. I may mumble a reply or absently nod my head. I spend my day multi-tasking and trying to do a thousand things while listening to those around me who need my attention.
3. Selective listening
Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring other parts of the conversation. We hear what we want to hear and pay little attention to or ignore parts of the conversation which we don’t want to hear
4. Active listening
I am engaged on our conversation. I’m looking at you, hearing what you say and ask relevant questions.
5. Focused listeningI’m listening to you and I want to make sure you are being understood. I will paraphrase you’re words back to you. I wan you to feel understood by me. I understand your words and your feelings. I’m not offering any advice or solutions just a really good listening ear.
6. Empathic or sympathetic listeningI listen to go beyond sympathy to the speaker. I’m trying to truer understand how you are feeling, how you experience the world and events that unfold around you. Empathic listening helps people feel heard and can be a corner stone to positive relationships.
7. Know it all listening
As you try to tell me your story, I’m already filling in the blanks or offering your solutions. I know what the problem is and I have the solution. Stop talking already so you can go fix your problem and I can get on with the rest of my day. I’ve stopped listening and i’m thinking about what I’m going to say back to you.
8. Pretend listeningI pretend to listen but have not intention of actually doing anything you say. I do not actually take in anything that you say. Are you finished yet?
1. Ignoring listening
You can talk all you want but nothing gets in. I am not interested in your problems, your requests, or your pleas. Don’t talk to me I’m a cold brick wall.
2. Partial listening
I’m listening as I do another task. I’m distracted. I may mumble a reply or absently nod my head. I spend my day multi-tasking and trying to do a thousand things while listening to those around me who need my attention.
3. Selective listening
Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring other parts of the conversation. We hear what we want to hear and pay little attention to or ignore parts of the conversation which we don’t want to hear
4. Active listening
I am engaged on our conversation. I’m looking at you, hearing what you say and ask relevant questions.
5. Focused listeningI’m listening to you and I want to make sure you are being understood. I will paraphrase you’re words back to you. I wan you to feel understood by me. I understand your words and your feelings. I’m not offering any advice or solutions just a really good listening ear.
6. Empathic or sympathetic listeningI listen to go beyond sympathy to the speaker. I’m trying to truer understand how you are feeling, how you experience the world and events that unfold around you. Empathic listening helps people feel heard and can be a corner stone to positive relationships.
7. Know it all listening
As you try to tell me your story, I’m already filling in the blanks or offering your solutions. I know what the problem is and I have the solution. Stop talking already so you can go fix your problem and I can get on with the rest of my day. I’ve stopped listening and i’m thinking about what I’m going to say back to you.
8. Pretend listeningI pretend to listen but have not intention of actually doing anything you say. I do not actually take in anything that you say. Are you finished yet?
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